How to speak and listen more effectively--to communicate mindfully and improve all relationships--based on the author's unique synthesis of mindfulness practice combined with the principles of nonviolent communication.
OREN J. SOFER leads retreats and workshops on mindful communication around the United States, particularly in Insight Meditation venues, including Spirit Rock, Insight Meditation Society, and Barre Center for Buddhist Studies, but also in educational settings, particularly in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is a teacher and practitioner of Insight Meditation, nonviolent communication (NVC), and somatics. He spent two years as an anagarika in the Thai forest tradition. He is a Somatic Experiencing practitioner, a collaborative trainer with Bay Nonviolent Communication, and a graduate of the IMS-Spirit Rock Teacher Training Program. Oren is also a member of Senior Program staff for Mindful Schools, one of the world leaders in mindful education.
"Unconscious patterns of communication create separation not only in our personal lives, they also perpetuate patterns of misunderstanding and violence that pervade our world. With clarity and great insight, Oren Jay Sofer offers teachings and practices that train us to speak and listen with presence, courage, and an open heart."--Tara Brach, author of Radical Acceptance and True Refuge
"Oren Jay Sofer offers us a brilliant intertwining of focused
presence and artful engagement. Our work, family, and any other
relationships will benefit from his guidance."--Daniel Goleman,
author of Emotional Intelligence and Altered Traits
"Full of practical exercises that develop powerful communication
and mindfulness skills, this timely and engaging book shows us how
caring, curiosity, and connection can transform people's lives,
even in the face of aggression."--Susan Kaiser Greenland, author of
Mindful Games and The Mindful Child "By the time we
reach adulthood, most of us have learned to operate through such
deeply engrained patterns of language and behavior that virtually
all of our communication involves projection, assumption, and bias.
No wonder we often feel so cut off and all alone! Mr. Sofer deftly
weaves together his mindfulness practice and principles of
Nonviolent Communication to help us learn how to find one another
again. This is a powerful guidebook to thinking, speaking, and
listening with authenticity and care. Bravo!"--Sharon Salzberg,
author of Real Happiness and Real Love "This
tremendous book addresses one of the biggest challenges in any
relationship: how to combine heart with strength, compassion with
assertiveness. Written with great warmth and clarity, it brings
together well-researched principles, effective tools and
suggestions, powerful experiential practices, and many examples. It
is down-to-earth and completely accessible while also being so
deep, even profound. If I had just one book to recommend about
interpersonal communication, it would be this one."--Rick Hanson,
Ph.D., author of Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of
Calm, Strength, and Happiness "Oren Jay Sofer's first book, Say
What You Mean, is a helpful guide for speaking wisely and with
love. It offers terrific tools and understandings that are critical
to the art of communicating clearly and from the heart."--Jack
Kornfield, author of No Time Like the Present and Bringing Home the
Dharma
"Meeting the enormous challenges of living in these times calls for
an integration of inner practices of mindfulness with outer
practices of communicating with honesty, vulnerability, strength,
care, and empathy. Oren shows us a way to do just that."--Miki
Kashtan, Certified Nonviolent Communication Trainer and author of
Spinning Threads of Radical Aliveness "Oren Jay Sofer's eloquent
book Say What You Mean could just as well be titled Living What You
Mean. Going beyond the surface level of communication, he describes
our relational journey together in its inherent connections with
how we behave, how we express, perceive, and meet the needs of
ourselves and others, how we engage with difference and even
conflict, how we negotiate love and anger--in sum, how to fully
live this complex life. Sofer gives essential frameworks,
perspectives, and skills for our shared humanity."--Larry Yang,
Buddhist teacher and author of Awakening Together: The Spiritual
Practice of Inclusivity and Community "Words have tremendous
power--both to harm, and to heal. In Say What You Mean, Oren shares
a 3-part process for communicating with mindfulness, clarity, and
compassion, and creating more connection and understanding in our
relationships. In these times of turbulence and conflict, we need
this more than ever before."--Chris Kresser, M.S., L.Ac, New York
Times best-selling author of The Paleo Cure and Unconventional
Medicine "Detailed, thorough, and practical, Say What You Mean
shines light on the ability of good communication to bring more
compassion, kindness, and wisdom to our relationships."--Foreword
Reviews (starred review) "Through discussion and example, and
supported by reflections and practices to ground the teaching,
[Oren Jay Sofer] helps us explore our own habituated styles of not
just communication, but of viewing the world, and how this impacts
how we speak to one another, and, importantly, how we
listen."--Mindful Magazine
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