How to speak and listen more effectively--to communicate mindfully and improve all relationships--based on the author's unique synthesis of mindfulness practice combined with the principles of nonviolent communication.
OREN JAY SOFER leads retreats and workshops on mindful communication around the United States. A member of the Spirit Rock Teacher's Council, he teaches in the Insight Meditation community, holds a degree in comparative religion from Columbia University, and is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and a Certified Trainer of Nonviolent Communication. Oren creates mindfulness training programs for apps and organizations and lives in Richmond, California. Visit www.orenjaysofer.com for more information.
“Unconscious patterns of communication create separation not only
in our personal lives, they also perpetuate patterns of
misunderstanding and violence that pervade our world. With clarity
and great insight, Oren Jay Sofer offers teachings and practices
that train us to speak and listen with presence, courage, and an
open heart.”
—Tara Brach, author of Radical Acceptance and True Refuge
“Oren Jay Sofer offers us a brilliant intertwining of focused
presence and artful engagement. Our work, family, and any other
relationships will benefit from his guidance.”
—Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence and Altered
Traits
“Full of practical exercises that develop powerful communication
and mindfulness skills, this timely and engaging book shows us how
caring, curiosity, and connection can transform people’s lives,
even in the face of aggression.”
—Susan Kaiser Greenland, author of Mindful Games and The Mindful
Child
“By the time we reach adulthood, most of us have learned to operate
through such deeply engrained patterns of language and behavior
that virtually all of our communication involves projection,
assumption, and bias. No wonder we often feel so cut off and all
alone! Mr. Sofer deftly weaves together his mindfulness practice
and principles of Nonviolent Communication to help us learn how to
find one another again. This is a powerful guidebook to thinking,
speaking, and listening with authenticity and care. Bravo!”
—Sharon Salzberg, author of Real Happiness and Real Love
“This tremendous book addresses one of the biggest challenges in
any relationship: how to combine heart with strength, compassion
with assertiveness. Written with great warmth and clarity, it
brings together well-researched principles, effective tools and
suggestions, powerful experiential practices, and many examples. It
is down-to-earth and completely accessible while also being so
deep, even profound. If I had just one book to recommend about
interpersonal communication, it would be this one.”
—Rick Hanson, Ph.D., author of Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable
Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness
“Oren Jay Sofer’s first book, Say What You Mean, is a helpful guide
for speaking wisely and with love. It offers terrific tools and
understandings that are critical to the art of communicating
clearly and from the heart.”
—Jack Kornfield, author of No Time Like the Present and Bringing
Home the Dharma
“Meeting the enormous challenges of living in these times calls for
an integration of inner practices of mindfulness with outer
practices of communicating with honesty, vulnerability, strength,
care, and empathy. Oren shows us a way to do just that.”
—Miki Kashtan, Certified Nonviolent Communication Trainer and
author of Spinning Threads of Radical Aliveness
“Oren Jay Sofer’s eloquent book Say What You Mean could just as
well be titled Living What You Mean. Going beyond the surface level
of communication, he describes our relational journey together in
its inherent connections with how we behave, how we express,
perceive, and meet the needs of ourselves and others, how we engage
with difference and even conflict, how we negotiate love and
anger—in sum, how to fully live this complex life. Sofer gives
essential frameworks, perspectives, and skills for our shared
humanity.”
—Larry Yang, Buddhist teacher and author of Awakening Together: The
Spiritual Practice of Inclusivity and Community
“Words have tremendous power—both to harm, and to heal. In Say What
You Mean, Oren shares a 3-part process for communicating with
mindfulness, clarity, and compassion, and creating more connection
and understanding in our relationships. In these times of
turbulence and conflict, we need this more than ever before.”
—Chris Kresser, M.S., L.Ac , New York Times best-selling author of
The Paleo Cure and Unconventional Medicine
“Detailed, thorough, and practical, Say What You Mean shines light
on the ability of good communication to bring more compassion,
kindness, and wisdom to our relationships.”
—Foreword Reviews (starred review)
“Through discussion and example, and supported by reflections and
practices to ground the teaching, [Oren Jay Sofer] helps us explore
our own habituated styles of not just communication, but of viewing
the world, and how this impacts how we speak to one another, and,
importantly, how we listen.”
—Mindful Magazine
“Communication is crucial in a healthy society. In these times of
strife and conflict, learning how to communicate effectively is one
of the best things you can do, for yourself and for those around
you. This book will teach you how to face any conversation,
regardless of how tricky or fraught.”
—Book Riot
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