Introduction 1 About This Book 1 Foolish Assumptions 3 Icons Used in This Book 4 Beyond the Book 4 Where to Go from Here 5 Part 1: Getting Ready for Sex 7 Chapter 1: So You Want to Know More about Sex 9 What is Sex, Anyway? 10 So Why Do We Have It? 10 Understanding the Ins and Outs of the Sexual Response Cycle 16 Partnering Up 18 Playing It Safe 20 Adjusting Over Time 20 Are You Ready to Get Busy? 21 Chapter 2: Tuning the Male Organ 23 The Penis: Inside and Out 23 Grasping the Basics of Your Testicles 31 The Prostate Gland 37 Chapter 3: Demystifying the Female Parts 39 Making Time for a Grand Tour 40 Translating All Those Latin Terms 41 The "Men" Words: Menstruation and Menopause 49 Breasts: Hanging in There 55 Chapter 4: Dating 59 Does Anybody Still Date? 60 Where Chemistry and Physics Mingle 60 Giving Romance a Chance to Bloom 61 Overcoming Loneliness and Getting Yourself in Dating Shape 62 A Road Map for the Dating Apps 63 The Thrill of the Chase, the Bummer of Rejection 65 Finding the Right Partner: Difficult, Yes; Impossible, No 67 If You're North of the 29th Parallel 73 Practical Dating Tips for All Ages 75 Should You Have Sex On a First Date? 76 Chapter 5: Introducing Sex into a Relationship 77 Determining When the Time is Right 79 Safety First 82 Advice for Virgins 84 Advice for Those with Prior Experience 85 Chapter 6: Commitment and Marriage 89 Knowing That Love Isn't Enough 90 Handling Children and Commitment 90 Putting Your Marriage First 91 Strengthening Your Marriage 91 Chapter 7: It's All about Control: Contraception and Sex 97 Why Use Contraceptives? 98 Considering Your Birth Control Options 100 Facing Facts about Birth Control Myths 119 If Your Method Fails 122 Chapter 8: Growing Up Fast: The Challenges of the Teen Years 127 Being a Teenager in the 21st Century 128 Evolving into Adulthood 130 Dealing with Common Concerns 131 Protecting Your Privacy 141 Don't Stop Here 142 Part 2: Doing It 143 Chapter 9: Foreplay: Revving Up Your Engines 145 Foreplay for Life 145 Linking the Emotional to the Physical 146 Setting the Stage 147 Getting Physical 149 Switching Gears: Engaging the Genitals 154 Moving on to the Main Event 159 Variety is the Spice of Foreplay 160 Chapter 10: Intercourse: Coming Together for the First Time 161 What's the Rush? 162 Making Your First Time Special 163 The First Time for Women 167 The First Time for Men 170 The First Time All Over Again 171 Chapter 11: Changing Positions: Variations on a Theme 173 The Good Old Missionary Position 174 The Female-Superior Position 177 Taking Her from Behind 179 East Side, West Side, Side by Side 183 Lap Dancing 184 The Oceanic Position 185 Standing Up 186 Oral Sex: Using Your Mouth 187 Anal Sex: Handle with Care 188 Safe Sex: Playing Alone Together 189 Sex During and After Pregnancy: Orgasms are Okay, with Changes 189 Chapter 12: Going for the Big O 195 What is an Orgasm, Anyway? 195 Experiencing Orgasms: Differences for Men and Women 196 Achieving Orgasm: Let Me Count the Ways 199 Don't Try - Let It Come You'll Be Glad You Did 202 Putting on Your O-Face: Responding to the Orgasmic Experience 203 The Best Reason to Have an Orgasm 204 Chapter 13: Afterplay: Embracing the Moment 205 Understanding the Importance of Afterplay 206 Sharing the Moment 207 The Simplest of Techniques 209 Chapter 14: Spicing Up Your Sex Life 211 Using Variety to Add Some Va Va Va Voom to Your Sex Life 212 Expanding Your Toy Chest 214 What If You're Just Never in the Mood? 217 Part 3: Different Strokes 219 Chapter 15: Enjoying Oral Sex 221 Overcoming Your Inhibitions 222 Leaving Him Breathless: What Men Like 223 Making Her Toes Curl: What Women Like 225 Dealing with Some Delicate Details 227 Assuming the Position 229 Addressing the Safety Issue 230 Chapter 16: Savoring Solo Play and Fantasy 233 Exploring the Mythology of Masturbation 233 Avoiding Too Much of a Good Thing 235 Masturbation: Good for All Ages 236 Masturbation Education 239 Fantasy: It's All in Your Head 244 Chapter 17: Keeping Up with Cybersex and Other Hot Stuff 247 Eyes Wide Open: A Word of Caution 247 Cybersex: Sights for Mature Minds 248 Sex and the Telephone: Aural Sex 254 Sex and the Radio: It's All Talk 255 Sex and Television: A Different Meaning of Boob Tube 256 Pulp Nonfiction 257 Sex with Multiple Partners: Where Do All of These Body Parts Go? 258 Chapter 18: Celebrating Same-Sex Relationships 261 Considering Sexual Identity 261 Determining Your Orientation: What Turns You On 266 Revealing Your Sexual Identity 266 Sexual Practices among Gay Men 271 Sexual Expression between Lesbians 272 Marriage between Same-Sex Partners 274 Chapter 19: Conquering the Challenges of Mature Sex 275 Female Changes: Tackling Menopause 276 Male Changes: Not All the Same 277 A benefit of aging: No more premature ejaculation 280 The Psychological Pluses and Minuses 280 Chapter 20: Thriving Sexually with Illness or Disability 283 We are All Sexual Beings 284 Sex When You're Physically Disabled 284 Sex After You've Had a Heart Attack 288 When Disabilities Arise Later in Life 290 Sex When You Have Diabetes 291 Sex and People Who are Mentally Disabled or Ill 293 Sex and People Who are Living in a Long-Term Care Facility 295 Uncompromising Compromised Sex 296 Part 4: Having a Healthy Sex Life 297 Chapter 21: What You Can Catch and How to Prevent It 299 STDs: Battle Scars No One Wants after a Night of Sex 300 Let's Get Serious 312 Chapter 22: Erectile Dysfunction and Other Male Sexual Problems 321 Premature Ejaculation 322 Erectile Dysfunction 328 Delayed Ejaculation 338 Priapism - The Case of the Permanent Erection 339 The Bent Penis 339 Lack of Desire 341 Chapter 23: Low Libido and Other Female Sexual Problems 343 That Elusive Orgasm 343 Ouch! It's Too Tight in There 351 When Cleaning the House Sounds Better Than Having Sex 352 Every Body is Attractive 354 Sex After a Mastectomy 355 Chapter 24: Avoiding Sexual Relationship Pitfalls 357 Making Time for Alone Time 358 Making the Most of a Long-Distance Relationship 361 Dealing with Addictive Behavior: Hooked on Porn 362 Staying Close to Avoid the Empty-Nest Syndrome 364 Making Sex a Priority 365 Chapter 25: Sex and the Law 367 Sex, Children, and the Law 368 Rape: A Growing Concern 372 The Law and Contraception 373 The Law against Spreading Diseases 374 Abortion: A Legal Safeguard 375 The Law and Homosexuality 376 Prostitution: The Case for Legalization 377 Pornography: Erotic or Obscene 378 Adultery: Cheating the Law 380 Chapter 26: Teaching Your Children about Sex and Keeping Them Safe 381 Not Everything is Dangerous 382 Answering Children's Questions 384 Warning Signs of Possible Sexual Abuse 385 The Accidental Voyeur 386 Protecting Your Children from the Media 387 Protecting Your Kids from Cyberporn 388 Giving the Speech about Strangers 391 Sex Ed and the Older Child 393 Other Messages You Don't Want to Send 394 Part 5: The Part of Tens 397 Chapter 27: Ten Dumb Things People Believe about Sex 399 If I Haven't Had Sex by the Time I'm 18, I'm a Loser 399 The More I Score, the More Pleasure I'll Have 400 The Sex Depicted in Porn is True to Life 401 The Grass is Always Greener in the Neighbors' Bedroom 401 Sex Will Make Everything All Right 402 A Good Lover Must Be an Open Book 402 I Should Compare Sexual Partners 403 I Can't Become a Better Lover 403 Lovers Want and Need the Same Things 404 I'm Too Old to Have Sex 404 Chapter 28: Ten Tips for Safer Sex 407 Learn to Say No 407 Limit Your Number of Partners 408 Don't Rely Solely on Your Instincts 408 Never Dull Your Senses When You're with Strangers 409 Discuss Safer Sex in Advance 409 Use Condoms 410 Develop a Relationship Before You Have Sex 410 Don't Engage in Risky Behavior 411 Don't Forget about the Other STDs 411 Don't Sell Your Other Options Short 412 Chapter 29: Ten Things Women Wish Men Knew about Sex 413 Chivalry Isn't Dead Yet 413 Appearances Count 414 You Can't Hurry Love 414 A Clitoris is Not Just a Small Penis 415 Women Need to Bask in the Afterglow 415 Kinky Sex Isn't Sexy Sex 416 Wandering Eyes Mean Less Sex 417 Slam-Bam-Thank-You-Ma'am Doesn't Cut the Mustard 417 Changing Diapers is Sexy 418 Just Because You Can't Doesn't Mean You Won't 418 Chapter 30: Ten Things Men Wish Women Knew about Sex 419 Being Aware of Mixed Signals 419 Lack of Sex Really Can Hurt 420 Sometimes Wasting Electricity is Okay 420 Teamwork is Important 420 Celebrities' Bodies are Not a Threat 421 A Little Tact, Please 422 If You Really Loved Me, You'd 422 The Way to a Man's Heart is Not through His Stomach 423 It Might Just Be Sex 423 The Older a Man Gets, the More Help He Needs 424 Chapter 31: Ten Tips for Truly Great Lovers 425 Don't Make Love on Your First Date 425 Set the Mood as Far in Advance as Possible 426 Find Out What Your Partner Needs 426 Protect Yourself and Your Partner 427 Don't Fall into a Rut 427 Fix the Potholes of Love 428 Use Your Sense of Touch 428 Become a Great Kisser 429 Satisfy Your Partner Even If You Don't Feel Like Sex 429 Adjust to Changes Caused by Aging 430 Appendix A: Step Into My Office 431 Appendix B: Terrific Resources 441 Index 445
Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer is America's favorite sex therapist. Author of over 40 books and host of several TV shows on human sexual- ity, she frequently lectures around the world. Pierre A. Lehu has worked with Dr. Ruth for decades as publicist, writer, and friend.